Chapter 20: The Real Don Lothario

"There was nothing special about my childhood.  I had an ordinary family in an ordinary neighborhood.  I was an only child and my parents were quite older when they had me.  They had both died by the time I had become a young adult.  It wasn't tragic, I mourned them and then I moved on with life.  I was hired at Doo Peas and began working my way up the corporate ladder.

"I did not have any close relationships in Riverview.  I wasn't really a loner but I didn't need twenty different friends either.  The closest friend that I had was Connie.  Now she was a loner but we enjoyed new movies, concerts, art shows, pretty much anything.  She worked on the journalism side of the building but we met up and stayed up to date with what was going on in each other's lives.

"As a young filing clerk I entered into a sexual relationship with my boss Hannah Jones.  Being as young as I was, I convinced myself I was in love with her.  The affair had only been going on for a couple of months before she asked to meet me outside of work.  Hannah then hit me with the news that she was pregnant and that she was sure it was mine.  I did question the possibility since I was sure she was still sleeping with her husband but she admitted that in all the years they were married she had not been able to conceive.

"As naive as I was, I took her word for it.  In the end she wasn't wrong.  The baby was mine.  I was initially excited at the idea of having a baby and believed that Hannah would make a wonderful mother.  I wanted to do right by them and asked Hannah to leave her husband so we could be a family together.

"Hannah's divorce took no time at all.  They had no children and she had a pre-nup because of her family's large estate.  As soon as we could we rushed to city hall to be married so the baby would be born into a legitimate family and have my last name rather then her ex-husband's last name.  She decided to let her house sit empty and we bought a smaller house that we could call our own.

"The honeymoon phase did not last very long.  I began to work long hours to make up for her maternity leave since I was making less than what she was getting for maternity pay.  It seemed that she would be waiting every night just to start complaining about something when I got home.  Our fighting became so frequent that I eventually stopped coming home on some nights just to avoid her rages.

"Hannah and I were barely speaking to one another by the time it was time for her to have the baby.  In fact I didn't even get the call at work until the baby was already born. We ended up having a son who we named Zeke. I thought our life would get back to normal after we had the baby but it seemed like the fighting never stopped.  We just started to fight about other, unimportant things.  Eventually she started accusing me of cheating on her because of my absence from the home, but I hadn't.

"One day I decided enough was enough and I demanded a divorce.  I was through with living in so much hatred.  I couldn't even remember the last time I told her that I loved her.  I was young and didn't want to be held down in my life so I told her it would be best if she just took Zeke and left.  I promised that I would provide for Zeke, but I wanted a care free lifestyle.

"I dated on and off after the divorce but I primarily focused on my career.  I fulfilled my financial obligation to Hannah and Zeke but I wasn't interesting in being a father.  My next big relationship was with a much older woman named Rhoda; she had her own children and when I asked her to move in I was thrown into a parenting roll. Spending time with her toddler sparked an interest in me to see Zeke.

"It had been a couple of years and I was pretty lucky that Hannah was willing to let me into Zeke's life.  I know a lot of women out there wouldn't give another thought to a man who wasn't around for their child.  At first we just met in public places and allowed for Zeke to get to know me.  There was no point in scaring the child by handing him off to a man he doesn't know.

"My relationship with Rhoda didn't last.  We were at different places in our lives and wanted different things.  I did keep seeing Zeke though.  I still wasn't the fatherly type but I enjoyed spending the day with the little guy.  Both Hannah and I agreed that overnights weren't an option until Zeke was older.  It was interesting when I heard Zeke call me 'Daddy' for the first time because I sure did not think of myself as a daddy, rather I felt like just a father.

"I was climbing the corporate ladder and through a few business and social events I met a doctor named Shirley Lin.  We connected  almost immediately.  Over time I truly fell in love with her and started to feel like it was the right time to settle down and settle into family life.  I had learned my lesson with Hannah and was going to do right with Shirley and make absolute certain that this was what we both wanted.

"We had casually talked about marriage some when we had time together.  Our respective careers made it hard for us to spend time together.  We spent a quiet evening at the bookstore when I decided that a simple on the spot proposal would be perfect for Shirley.  I had wanted to do something big but the timing was right.  I had asked and she said yes.  I thought my life was finally on track to go where I want it to go.

"Soon after our engagement Shirley's twin sister Roxie came home while she was in between tours.  You'll be familiar with Roxie if you've ever heard of the band Wireless Functional; Roxie is the lead singer.  Well, they weren't the closest of twins and I got caught up in the middle of it all.  Shirley was sweet, funny, intelligent, and caring; Roxie was the opposite.  She was gritty, crass, sexy, and bold.

"Looking back, I knew better.  I should have been a better man.  I went to bed with Roxie, and at first I figured it would be a one night stand, then it continued through all of Shirley's overnight shifts.  I rationalized the situation to myself; in the end I was going to stop by the time we were going to get married.  I suppose I was itching to get caught, like all of the television psychologist say, because I was careless.  Shirley came home early one night and found us in bed together.

"I expected screaming, yelling, tears, maybe even for Shirley to slap me or punch her sister but none of those things happened. She calmly walked over to me, handed the ring back and told me that I needed to be gone when she got back.  She never even breathed a word to Roxie and then she left.  I'll never really know if our romance was wishful thinking or if I truly broke her heart.  We didn't see each other often after that night.

"I didn't sell my place after moving in with Shirley so I packed up and went there.  I had a couple one night stands and threw myself back into work at the office.  Some weeks there were several day in a row that I wouldn't leave. Connie noticed my lack of a social life and lured me out with concert tickets.  She was supposed to meet a guy she met on a dating website but her investigative reporter senses kicked in and she looked him up ahead of time and decided he wasn't her type.  I went to the concert with her so she wouldn't feel like the tickets were a waste of money.

"We never called our nights out "dates", but I suppose that is what they were to everyone else.  At some point my feelings for Connie developed beyond the friendship we had.  I found myself in love with her.  I didn't act on it right away.  I knew I had so much to lose this time around because if I lost Connie then I would have had nothing.  Eventually I came around to telling her only to find out that she was feeling the same way.

"We ended up moving in with each other first and took our growing relationship slow.  Being my best friend she knew about all of my screwed up relationships and we didn't want that to happen with us.  On the evening of our first anniversary of living together I took Connie out to the bistro.  After dinner and dessert I asked her to marry me.  She said yes, though I would have understood if she said no.

"We didn't wait nearly as long to get married.  Our engagement was long enough to plan a small wedding.  We invited over our co-workers and a small group of close friends for an intimate little wedding on our front porch.  We had ourselves a mostly traditional ceremony, but it was quick and to the point.  Neither one of us wanted to stand up in front of everybody for a long amount of time.

"The reception was lovely.  I had finally gotten it right.  I went through a lot to get to the point where I could truly appreciate the amazing woman I could call my wife.  I wanted to be perfect for her; no fighting and no cheating, just hard work and all the love I could give her. As long as I could call her mine for as long as I lived.  I never really thought past the moment of bliss we were in.

"Shortly after our honeymoon Connie spent a lot her time wrapped around the toilet.  She was getting sick all the time.  We both knew in the back of our heads that we were both where we needed to be to start a family but since we were just back from a exotic place I worried that she had picked something up.  I also wasn't ready to admit that parenthood was going to happen so fast.  I talked her into going to the doctor, just in case it was some sort of parasite.

"I was so relieved when she told me the appointment had gone fine and that she was only pregnant and experiencing morning sickness.  We were ecstatic that she was pregnant even though we thought we would have had more time as newlyweds.  The planning started happening immediately. We put our one bedroom house up for sale and bought a three bedroom.  I figured I was going to have Zeke over more and that Connie and I would eventually have more, but that was much farther down the road.

"Connie was great with Zeke.  She was like a second mother to him.  He was close to becoming a child and Hannah thought that we had had enough time together to allow for overnight stays.  We loved the weekends when Zeke could stay with us.  Connie decorated his room and bought him his own toys for our house.  It was going to be even more perfect once the baby arrived. We were going to be a whole family.

"In the sixth month of the pregnancy Connie started to feel pain in her stomach and she was experiencing some bleeding.  I made her go to the doctor immediately and we were so glad we didn't wait.  The doctors discovered that the placenta had slipped down to cover her cervix.  She had placenta previa and the doctor ordered her to strict bed rest.

"I tried to make the best of the situation for her.  We were both terrified without  saying a word to the other.  I brought her a new book from the library every time she finished the last book but even a bookworm has her limits.  The office sent a laptop over for her, though I went rounds with them about giving Connie too much work and causing stress.  If we couldn't take care of her at home, then the doctor was going to admit her.

"I'll never forget the morning that I rushed out of the house with barely a kiss to her cheek to say good-bye, nor the moment when I got home and saw Connie through the window laying on the floor.  The front door was locked, and I know I had my keys, but all I knew was I need to get into the house.  I dropped everything I had and ran to the back door.

"The moment I ran into the living room and all I could see was the blood.  There was so much I could practically smell it.  Connie's placenta had ruptured and I didn't even know if she was alive.  Afterwards, I would learn that I had accidentally slipped her phone in my bag that morning and she was trying to get to the house phone in the kitchen when the blood loss became too much and she passed out at the bottom of the stairs.

"I called 911 as fast as I could.  The operator wanted me to try to stop the bleeding somehow but I knew she had already lost too much.  I couldn't think of what to do and felt helpless as the few minutes felt like hours.  I finally found myself kneeling down to her and gently holding her in my arms.  I held her close and whispered her name over and over.  I don't even know when the paramedics arrived.  I vaguely remember some fire fighters grabbing my arms so the paramedics could take her.

"She was still alive but there wasn't much the paramedics could do but get her to the hospital as fast as they could. I waited in the waiting room while they took her back.  Eventually, I wandered outside because I just couldn't take it anymore.  The doctor found me outside.  He suggested that I come inside and sit down.  I could tell from the look on his face that the news was not good.  I refused to go inside.  Her doctor finally relented and just told me that Connie's blood loss was too great and that she didn't make it through surgery, but that they were able to save our son who was in the pediatric intensive care.

"I had wanted to run and just leave everything. I couldn't have the baby without Connie.  I don't know what happened but I knew that I would be letting her down if I walked away.  I spent weeks monitoring our son in the PICU and while he slept I looked for a new job.  I wanted a fresh start for the both of us.  Connie's maiden name was Shellie and so I named our son Sheldon so he could always have a little piece of his mother.  When he was well enough to be released we moved here.  I had already accepted the job and bought this house.

"Cassandra, you became a part of my life in the first few weeks I was here.  You know everything that has happened after that.  All of this is the past; it should stay there.  My life in Riverview was ages ago and at times seems like a lifetime ago.  It has no bearing on the here and now."